I read a great quote today at sourcesofinsight.com that has inspired my entire post today. It was by Pema Chodron, a Tibetan Buddhist teacher and author and it reads:

"Only to the extent that we expose ourselves, over and over to annihilation, can that which is indestructible be found in us."

Isn't that a great quote! And it got me thinking, in the midst of planning a garage sale and moving my mother into a new house and grieving my father and job-hunting, (boy I'm busy right now!) how important it is, in managing one's stress, to be true to oneself. So much of the complexity of life is based on the expectations of others, isn't it? At one time sure, survival was just a matter of foraging for food, building a shelter and not getting eaten by anything big and hairy ("just"), but now,  now survival is about making the boss happy and the customers happy and the spouse happy and the children happy and the In-Laws happy and then society at large of course and the government and...WHEW!!! Complicated.

It's crazy! And it's enough to make you feel crazy. But then that is the world we live in...a complicated one. But as I've been dealing with the obligations of my father dying I've been put in a situation where EVERYONE has expectations to consider, and with emotions running high, that can be tricky. But what I've learned through handling this, is that there is a difference between catering to other people's expectations and working with them. Catering doesn't include you. And it will have you running around until you are headed straight towards annihilation. Working with people's expectations is about accepting that the expectation's of other will need to be addressed, but also about including your own expectations into the mix and compromising between them both. This quote has a much bigger application in life of course, but today it has reminded me to stay open to events and other people, even if they hurt, because through them, I find my boundaries and the opportunity to honor the things in me which are pure and indestructible. When you know yourself, life becomes REALLY SIMPLE.

Take care of yourselves,
Nina


Oh and if you have any great quotes on simplicity, I'd love to hear them in the comments. I was thinking it would be great to write a post on a collection of the best quotes on Slow Living and Simplicity that we could find so please share and we can gather some great inspiration for everyone!

Simple Pleasures: Photo of today's sunset

Just a quick post today to share my photos of the sunset last night, a little beauty to brighten your day:

Hope you are all well and creating your own slow life!

Nina

10 Lesser Known Tips for Simplifying Your Life (Part 2)

5. Read Actual Books - I have nothing against online reading (or I wouldn't write a blog, would I?) but there is something unspeakably luxurious about reading a paper book. I can't explain it, it's partly the connection to the author, partly the smell of paper and glue and the ancient art of book binding, partly the way you carry it around everywhere you go and bend the corners up and spill tea on it...it's a relationship, and one you can only have with a paper book. Reading a book, whether on a sunny porch or in a crowded coffee shop is one of life's greatest simple pleasures.

6. Be Selective of Your Background Noise - It is something we hardly ever notice...because it's in the background, but background noises can effect our mood and anxiety levels in an instant and without us even being aware of the change. Everyone is affected differently of course, maybe city sirens are pleasant to you and birdsong makes you violent, the point is to be aware and be choosey. If you are at home alone, the TV can be comforting, but maybe music that can sooth the mind, might be better than commercials that only add anxiety, the point is to make sure that you decide what you listen to.

7. Say No - I find this piece of advice on every tip list for simplicity around and that's because it is TRUE. How can you do your daily activities mindfully when you have ten billion of them to do before lunch? Nobody likes to disappoint others but nothing can be done well without time. So tell them you can do it fast or you can do it well, but not both. In the end, I am always surprised at how much people respect me more when I respect myself and say no when I need to.  In fact it is respecting them, because if you say yes and then fail you have only succeeded in costing them time and money.

8. Make Toys With Your Children - How does that saying go? Buy them a toy, you keep them busy for an hour...teach them to make toys, you keep them busy for a lifetime...okay I'm ad-libbing but you only have to see the light in their faces when they realize that they can create the things they want for themselves, and you will know what a lifelong gift you have given them in just a few hours of craft time. They will become independent thinkers from that moment onwards, and for the rest of their lives, plus it really will keep them quiet for hours! There are countless websites and books with homemade toy ideas and there is nothing like getting covered in paint and sprinkles to lift the day's stresses off your own shoulders.

9. Play - On that note, my favorite stress relief and idea generator is to go play on a swing set. You may prefer the monkey bars, or dancing or professional soccer, suite yourself, but go find your inner child and get a little wild. Take two immaturity pills and call me in the morning, I'll bet you're cured of complexity.

10. Do Your Own Laundry - For all the stay-at-home mom's ...just disregard this one, but for the rest of you, Listen up! The only way to really know yourself and the only way we are going to ever achieve World Peace is if we all start cleaning up after our own messes. I mean this both physically and metaphorically of course, wash your dishes after you cook, clean your own clothing, be aware of the impact you leave behind you...that means awareness in the words you say to people, in the garbage you create, in the things you buy, in the job you do, in everything. Everything you do has consequences, reactions and if you don't pay attention to them, how can you make sure they are positive rather than negative? Start small, do your own laundry as practice and eventually you will become mindful in everything you do.  

If you have other great ideas for simple living tips please comment and share them!

Take Care,
Nina

10 Lesser Known Tips for Simplifying Your Life (Part 1)

I have a strange ritual I go through when I get overwhelmed. Be it clutter, work stress, relationships, life goals, any kind of worry that starts to fill up my mind and attack my heart rate, I get out my little green notebook and I make a list. Sometimes its a step-by-step path to achieving fame and fortune or just a list of all the items in my closet that can be donated, whatever the solution, I will find a list to solve it. The part that makes this a strange ritual is that by the time I'm done the list, all stress is gone and I can close the notebook without ever looking at the list again or doing any of the actions listed. It's the ultimate in procrastination. Of course the stresses that I encounter are usually nothing but imaginary worries and thus best solved by doing nothing, so maybe it's a genius ritual after all. Anyway, with that in mind, I would like to share with you my personal and rather unique list of Tips For Slowing Down and Simplifying Your life:

1. Eat at the Table - It improves posture, it improves digestion (by miles!) and it forces you to stop for a moment and just enjoy life's simplest pleasure..food. Don't have the TV on, just be with your food and the space around you. Also, if you have children that are growing up, this may be the only solid visit you get with them in a day and that connection and stability is so important for a family.

2. Pay Your Bills All Together - This may not work for everyone, but keeping your bills organized in a single spot in the house (or on the computer) and paying them all together is a really helpful way that I use to reduce my money stress. There's no avoidance or mistakes then, from not being able to remember deadlines, and once they are done for the month, I get to sit back and relax for the other 29 days.

3. Tell Your Family and Friends That You Appreciate and Love Them - This may be obvious but we never, never do it enough. Say it before you get in a fight, not just afterwards and don't just say "I love you." I love you's can be so easy to say on autopilot that they eventually become nothing more than a greeting. Say WHY you love them, and take the extra seconds in the day to look right in their eyes when you say it, I guarantee it will make all the difference to them, and when your hearts are full, everything becomes simple.

4. Find your Ritual - When I have a hard day, I take a long bath (and I'm talking raisin toes long) with a bottle of beer and a good book. When the world's about to end, I hand sew just about any piece of fabric I can find. My brother works on his car...even if it's not broken. My mom designs websites, using only code to calm herself down during stressful times, or if it's really bad, she has a good friend she can call. They sound like the CIA on the phone, with words like "code red" or "Mr. No Name" and "Mrs. Bleepity Bleep." Stress in the body is a factor in almost every disease we know of today, it can literally kill you. So it doesn't matter if it's picking your toenails or singing show tunes, just as long as it works for you, everyone needs a ritual to turn to in a stressful moment.

There is a distinct difference between pleasure and distraction.

Yesterday I had the rare opportunity of a free day off and I decided to spend it in complete indulgence! I watched movies, I surfed online, I gossiped with friends, I shopped, I napped, I ate all manner of carbs... I basically covered every vice available in my house. And it was great!

I also went on a little adventure down to the lake where I suddenly decided to go for a swim (on private property and in my underwear no less, but actually it was the temperature of the water that was the adventurous part!) And there I floated, in the middle of an empty lake with the sun on my face and nothing but the birds to listen to for about an eternity...

Can you guess which activity of yesterday has remained with me and kept me smiling today? I'll give you a hint, it wasn't the carbs.

The things that give us pleasure will be entirely different from person to person, but they are only pleasurable if they are done with consciousness. For us in the western world, life seems to be built around the pursuit of pleasure, that is what everyone s looking for, Happiness. And yet we are not generally happy. Instead we seem caught in a desperate fight to feed our senses because they never seem satisfied enough.That is not pleasure, it is distraction. Real pleasure takes time to be enjoyed and the awareness of both the body and the soul. You will recognize it by the way that it makes your mind quieter inside and the way that it continues to give you joy even years afterwards, because real pleasure grows... In fact it even spreads to others around you...

So I ask you today: what gives you pleasure?

Today has been a little slice of domestic bliss.

To curb the heat I made a nice pitcher of cucumber water and another one of mint water to refresh everyone (it's really easy, just slice up some cucumber or fresh herbs and throw them into your water pitcher to add a light flavor) and then I hung the laundry outside on the line instead of tumble drying it for a change. I love the smell of line dried sheets!

We are preparing for a garage sale this week so I've been busy with the daunting task of sorting through the house and garage for items. It's been emotional because everything reminds me of my father, who recently passed away. But it has also been a magical afternoon for that very reason, I feel like I've been visiting with him all day.

And as I've been going through all this stuff I've been learning a valuable thing about letting go of clutter. It's so easy to get caught up in the memories attached to things and hold onto each and every item just for that reason, but really how often do you stop to even look at that item ever again? I've come to realize that the thing about stuff...is that it is just stuff. My memories are in my mind, not the object I'm holding, and while it is important to keep certian special things that remind us of people, too many things can have the adverse effect and crowd up our lives until there is no room for new memories or new people to come in. So today, I have been taking the time to just be with each item, enjoying it's memories for a moment and then letting the item go.

All too often when we see something beautiful our first instinct is to possess it, but the minute we possess it, we then quickly forget about it and move onto the next thing. So it has been good practice for me to resist that instinct and instead to just take a moment and truly enjoy each item's beauty, really looking at it and being honored by its presence, without needing anything in return, much like we would enjoy another person or a beautiful day. In fact, if this were a perfect world, I think that is the way we would treat everything we come across, with the care to really see it and the respect to never possess it.

Krishnamurti - It doesn't matter if you die for it - 5 of 5

 http://www.theworldinstituteofslowness.com/slowadvice

I found this lovely video on the World Institute of Slow living website today and I was reminded of the magic that happens when an elderly person and a child sit together. Seeing my grandmother recently, I watched her sit down with my little nephews and nieces and captivate them for hours at a time. I had never seen them so quiet and peaceful in my life! And I realized that it is not something specific that she does...it is something specific that she doesn't do. She doesn't tell stories or lecture or do activities, she doesn't do anything at all actually, she simply listens to them and asks them what they think about things. So much of our children's education consists of telling them what to think, what to remember, what to do, and yet learning, REAL learning, as we all know, is about finding the answers for oneself. Out of the mouths of babes, as the expression says, comes true wisdom, and those who have lived long enough in the world, like my Grandmother has, will tell you that there is nothing more enlightening or joyful than listening to a child speak or watching them learn. Let's take a moment in our own lives today and give a child the space to be heard. I myself am going to leave the dishes for a moment and have my nephew show me his book on optical illusions!

Have a wonderful weekend,
Nina

Taking Time to Mourn

My father at a wedding last year

Little did I think that my first post for The Slow Life would be about death, but my father has just passed away, my favorite person in the world, and suddenly my entire life has been put into new perspective. When you lose someone dear to you, nothing else should be as important as mourning their passing, and yet that is just not how it happens. Since the moment he passed on I have been the busiest I have ever been in my whole life, planning funerals, comforting others, handling 2 households, taxes, paperwork, announcements, garage sales, accommodations for family, covering work, and above all...covering the costs. And all the while, grief and sadness threaten to shut down my body with exhaustion at any moment. If I let myself, there could be whole days of business in which I would forget why I was even doing these tasks, only to be overwhelmed with sadness and shock the next minute in remembrance, but that is a dangerous roller-coaster to be on, because then I never know when the pain will resurface and it rarely does so at a good time! Death is not like it is in the movies, where the loved ones are emotionally comfortless up until the funeral and then suddenly recovered. Instead it is a full journey of ups and downs and slow stages of letting go. It has been a surprising challenge for me to pause and take the time, when I feel sad, to actually let myself feel sad, especially when it is so much easier to be busy and numb, but I am learning that it is incredibly important to take the time to mourn.

All during this process I couldn't help but notice the difference between the small town community where my parents live and the city life that I lead, because in their small community the news traveled up the grapevine within three hours (one of those rare situations where gossip is appreciated!) and the memorial was planned before the family even thought of such things. Neighbors that we didn't even know brought food for our fridge and chipped in money to rent the town hall for the service. And when I tried to thank one man and reimburse him, he just said "That's what we do for one another. You just worry about mourning right now."  And it was like a great weight was lifted off my shoulders, just to be given permission to feel my grief. During most of this month I have been stealing moments to be alone and cry, but almost with a guilt at taking the time to do so, because there has been so much else to do and so many other people to be "strong" for. This is why the ritual of a funeral is so important, so that we pause a moment and actually acknowledge someone's passing and our own sadness about it. But mourning does not end after the funeral, it can take years and it comes and goes in waves of letting go.

I have often wished lately that we still wore black for a specific period of time to mark a loved one's passing. It would help, I think, to let the world know that we are now changed, and our minds distracted. It would also just be a significant way of marking the event for ourselves, to acknowledge to ourselves that we are grieving and be allowed the space to do so. After I came back to my own home, I had a hard time coping with the pace around me. I kept wondering why the world hadn't stopped, and it was also hard because nobody around me knew that I was mourning, I was in a different city where no one knew my father. The day after I came home, I booked a hair appointment and cut off all my hair. I'm talking shoulder-length to a one-inch pixie cut. Isn't that funny? I didn't know why I had done it at the time, but later I realized that I just needed to do something, anything, to signify that I was no longer the same person. My father had passed and I would never be the same. I guess that was my own form of mourning dress.

Anyway, expressing my thoughts is a great help in acknowledging my own grief so thank you for hearing them and please feel free to share your own experiences of mourning with me, I'm sure it would be a great comfort to share them with you.

Take care,
Nina